Monday, December 12, 2011

Stressed

I know I haven't posted in a ridiculous amount of time, almost a half a year. But I think I need to blog again. Finals week has me stressed beyond belief and I had a breakdown in the library today. I started crying over my GPA (a 3.34 to keep me honest). Well, I saw my GPA and got really upset. Then my dance partner and one of my best friends (we'll call him G from here on out) tried to make me laugh and spilled Diet Coke on my jeans, which normally wouldn't upset me, except I just started crying and couldn't stop to do my work. Eventually, he calmed me down and pinky promised that I would get into a good law school. Let's hope he can keep up his end of the deal.

I haven't been able to exercise or eat right for the past week or so and I honestly haven't been trying, because I'm pretty okay where I am. I'm at 172.8, which is the thinnest I've been and I feel fine. However, "pretty okay" hasn't been cutting it lately. So once finals week is over and I'm back home, I'm back on track. I actually feel really excited and motivated--I just need to get through this week.

Good News
I fit into size 8 jeans. I mean, it's not pretty. I have a muffin top and it's just unattractive. But they technically fit and they even close. So that's a huge accomplishment. I fit into a size 10 normally, now, in American Eagle jeans, which I used to not be able to wear. I bought a pair of size 8's from AE just because I wanted to make sure I fit into them soon. And I think I will.
I'll try to update more before the end of this week, but no promises. My finals are giving me a headache and they're awful. But I will definitely try! If not, after my last final it is!

Friday, July 15, 2011

I Keep Eating...

I keep eating. And I think it's because I'm bored. I need to start taking dance classes and filling up my evenings with interesting things. Otherwise, I will eat. I don't eat enough to make me gain any weight. But I'm eating just enough that I'm maintaining now. Which is...you know, good, if I want to be chubby forever.

I think I'll go to a dance class in the city tomorrow. I'm just going to keep myself busy so I don't eat. I'm also going to get tons of books from the library. Because if I'm reading...I'm not eating.

I'm also going to set some very short-term goals, just for the rest of the month of July.

Goals
1. Lose 4 pounds, getting me back to 173.
2. Go on a twenty minute walk every single day, no matter when or where or how.
3. Make healthier choices with food, starting by eating more fiber.
4. Take dance or Zumba classes, do a workout video or run 10 times before the month is over.

We'll see where I am August 1st. Let's hope I am in a better place than now, because I feel a bit as if I'm slacking. I'm not gaining, which is great. But my goal of 160 before I go back to school is starting to seem unreachable. So let's step on the gas here.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

A Day With the Family

Today was an awesome day. I woke up in the morning, had a small breakfast and drove to New Jersey with my parents. We went to this park where there were a bunch of deer inside of this huge field that was fenced in. It was like a forest inside of a gate. And we were allowed to feed the deer, which was super cool! They were so adorable. My year and a half old nephew fed them and he practically had his fingers in their mouths. They were so friendly and adorable, though!

We also saw some goats, a gigantic turkey, some bunnies and some chickens. After that, we walked around for a bit and saw this adorable little duck that had a bad leg and a limp. I felt so horrible. My nephew wanted to play with it and before we could do anything, he ran up to it, scaring the duck and forcing him to fly. Ducks don't fly all that high, though, so the poor thing flew directly into a fence. I felt so horrible. We tried to find someone to inform of the situation, but no one was around so we decided it was best to leave the poor thing alone and not bother it.

After that, we went to an Italian restaurant, which for a girl on a diet, probably isn't the best. But we did a family style thing, so I had a bit of calamari, a whole bunch of salad, about a serving of garlic pasta and a cannoli. Overall, not so bad. But the whole calorie counting thing did not work out. Tomorrow, I have work at 8AM and it's Crazy Hair Day! That should be fun and it'll be much easier to count every single calorie that goes into my mouth.

I'm thinking of getting a Fitbit. Anyone tried one of those? How are they???A

182

Okay, what the hell? Somehow, this morning, after a day of running and dancing yesterday, I get on the scale and I am 182. That's unacceptable. That's a full 10 pounds more than my lowest weight. I thought I was doing alright with maintaining. Clearly, I am not. I'm trying not to get too upset because all that this means is that I need to start counting calories meticulously again.

My journey is, quite obviously, not over yet. Because, if it were, I would be able to stick to the 172 that I had. I can't see the difference on myself. I don't feel 10 pounds heavier. Buuuuut, I am. So, no excuses. 1200 calories a day, 3 workouts a week. Done. I'm here to lose weight, not to lose a bunch and then gain some back.

I'm taking my nephew to the zoo today. So that means that there will be food all around to tempt me. And I will not give in to any of it. I know what I have to do and I'm just going to do it. Because being thin and being healthy are my most important goals right now.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

11 Layers of Me!

Found at http://gettingnshape.blogspot.com/


LAYER ONE: On the Outside--

Full Name: Rachel
Birthday: September 12th
School: 3rd year of college coming up!

Major: PPL- Philosophy, Politics and Law. Hopefully going for a dual degree: masters in social work and a law degree.
Current Location: New York City!
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: At the moment...dark brown with a tint of red. Thinking of going back to black or light brown. Original hair color was black.
Righty or Lefty: Righty!
Zodiac Sign: Virgo

LAYER TWO: On the Inside

Your Heritage: Uhh, Russian/Azerbaijani/Jewish/Latvian/Lithunian, etc..
Your Fears: I don't really have phobias. I'm a little paranoid, I guess.
Weakness: Chocolate.
Goal(s): Oh so many. I want to become a lawyer that uses her social work degree. I want to be 140 lbs. I want to graduate college. I want to have abs. There's a lot I want.
Relieve Stress: Ballroom, all the way.

LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow--

Your thoughts first waking up: Usually.."I need to pee.."
Your bedtime: I don't have one. I've become a morning person, so it doesn't really matter. I love getting up.
Your most missed memory: Right now? Ballroom dance. It's not a memory, persay, because I could still be doing it and I'm going back in September. I'm just taking a short hiatus because my partner lives far from me. I'll be taking lessons by myself next week, but it's just not the same.

LAYER FOUR: You’re picking--

Pepsi or Coke: DIET coke =]
McDonald's or Burger King: Neither, please.
Single or Group dates:Hang out with a big group, then go hang out alone!
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Nestea.
Chocolate or Vanilla:Chocolate. Mm.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee.

LAYER FIVE: Do You--

Do Drugs: Nope.
Think you've been in love: No.
Want to get married: One day, yeah.
Believe in yourself: Definitely.

LAYER SIX: In the Past Month--

Drank alcohol: Yes
Gone to the mall: Nope
Eaten Sushi: Yes, lol
Gone skating: No
Colored your hair: No
Done something exciting: Yes

LAYER SEVEN: Have You Ever?--

Changed who you were to fit in: Sure, who hasn't?
Hid something from someone: Yup.


LAYER EIGHT: Getting Old--
Age you're hoping to get married: 24-26? Seems like an okay age. Maybe a bit older. Really whenever I'm ready.
Age you're hoping to have children: 27-29
Want to travel to: Oh gosh, everywhere. South Africa, everywhere in Europe that I haven't been yet, India, New Zealand, Australia, all over the US, South America. I just want to see everything.

LAYER NINE: Perfect Mate--
Best Eye Color: Blue, but I don't really care.
Best Hair Color: Black hair, blue eyes is a perfect combo. But again...I really don't care. Blonde hair, brown hair and brown eyes is all good too. I'm not picky to a fault.
Short or Long Hair: Medium-length!

LAYER TEN: What were you doing--

5 MINUTES AGO: Reading blogs
1 HOUR AGO: Sitting in a car with my co-workers being driven home.
1 DAY AGO: Getting drunk, lol.
1 YEAR AGO: Well, 5 days from now one year ago, I'd be waiting to find out that my ankle was broken. But what was I doing on July 7th last year? I'm not sure. Probably nothing too special. Working.

LAYER ELEVEN: Finish the Sentence--

I Love: life and all it's oddities.
I Feel: exhausted, but happy.
I Hate: people that are mean; easy.
I Hide: my real emotions even when I trust people.
I Miss: ballroom and school.
I Need: to work out tomorrow and be a little healthier with my eating.

Feel free to copy and repost. 

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

ZUMBA!!!!

So, this morning, I woke up at 5:30AM as per usual, got up and decided to walk 1/3 of the way to work. I would've worked more, but honestly, I had no time. The day was pretty good. Unfortunately, I haven't been getting the chance to pack lunches for myself, so I had cheese fries in the meantime. Unnecessary, definitely a mistake, but that's alright -- everyone makes them. For breakfast, I had a small iced coffee with skim milk and splenda and a dunkin donuts veggie egg white flatbread. For a snack, in between breakfast and "lunch" I had a peach. Then, for a snack I had a box of apple juice and a 100 calorie pack of Lorna Doone cookies. Then for dinner, I had a veggie delight Subway sandwich. Pretty good day overall. I walked over a mile on the way back from work. Again, about 1/3, maybe a little more, of the way.

After that, I bought a really cute outfit for Eightie's Day, said hi to my parents, who came home today from Austria and ran off to a Zumba class. It was awesome. Zumba is great-- My Zumba instructor is leaving for a week to go to a convention in Florida, but she has promised to send me Facebook reminders to stop munching and start jogging. Gotta love her. She's got tons of energy and picks awesome music for her class.

After class, I walked 12 blocks home. On the way there, I ran 3 blocks and then walked 9 but on the way back, I just had no energy so I was speed walking. Working a 9-10 hour day and then running around will do that to you. Plus working in a camp is no desk job ... which is why I love it =] I'm a little stressed about some things to do with work, mostly because I'm fighting with the best friend. But it is what it is. I am past the point in life where I apologize when I don't mean it or when I don't think I've done anything wrong. So we'll see where this goes. Hopefully we can forgive each other soon, because I'm not in town for all that long and it's silly to spend it fighting.

Tomorrow's more of the same but no Zumba! I'm going to go running after work and then maybe do some kind of yoga class -- we'll see what I'm up for. Since I don't party all too much when I'm in Brooklyn, I've gotta fill up my extra time with something. And I guess it'll be exercise. Sweet deal, huh? =]

Sunday, July 3, 2011

I'm Normal...So Now What?

A lot has happened in the past couple of months that I have not blogged. Why haven't I blogged? Well...Truth is, I got too comfortable. I won't go too into detail, mostly because it's not interesting and also pretty irrelevant. But here's what IS important.

I went to the doctor a week ago because I had a bit of a sore throat and my best friend had strep throat so I was a little worried. Turns out, I was perfectly healthy minus a bit of a throat infection that I was prescribed Sudafed for (and I didn't even end up taking it because I don't like to take drugs unless I absolutely have to). My WBC was a 7.5, which is literally the average. I tested negative for strep throat, the rest of my bloodwork was perfect and so was everything else.

What was better? My doctor asked me how much I weighed and I told him about 175, because that was the last time I checked on my new scale. He took me through a whole long speech, which ended in "You are normal. You do not need to lose any more weight. Considering your height, your build and your family history, you're doing really great." That was amazing to hear. I'm unfortunately up to 177 for some reason, but that all brings me to the reason I'm back here again and brings me to my blog title.."So Now What?"

I am normal, but I am still not happy with how I look. I am definitely happier. And I am definitely proud of all the progress I've made. 40-45 pounds is a ton of weight to lose, especially for someone who is 5'8"! But I am not done yet. I'd still like to get into the 140's or at least the 150's. I'd also like to have more toning, less fat. And I'd like to just be more healthy overall -- because as much as I've learned, I still make way too many mistakes when it comes to food.

Blogging really helped me lose the beginning of the weight, but when I found my bearings, I kind of just gave up on it. I still have my bearings (for the most part), but I realize now that I have a lot left to learn. So, for about a week, I'm going to post up everything that I eat without counting calories, to see if that helps. If not, back to the tedious annoyance that counting calories is. If I have to do it, I will. But let's hope that I've learned enough that simply watching what I eat (something that I haven't doe too much of) and writing it all down (something that I haven't done any of) will suffice to lose those pesky 20-30 pounds.

I've been getting a lot of compliments on how I look. My family is proud, my boss calls me "Skinny Rachel" and I'm working on a whole new wardrobe that is more daring and fun. I will share some of the clothes that I bought (maybe tomorrow or the day after) on this blog in picture mode! I hope that you guys will welcome me back.

Here's a picture of me from my recent Europe trip:

I was in Heidelberg, Germany! I think that's a fair representation of how I look now. Arms and legs are still a little chubby, face looks pretty different, smaller all around, still kinda chubbsy -- but a huge improvement from my last Europe trip ....