Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Quick Update

It's beautiful today, which is shocking, because it was absolutely disgusting last night. It was raining so hard that, when I went outside, I had to literally tiptoe in order to avoid stepping on an earthworm. Bleh.
But it's a new day and it's absolutely gorgeous. It's almost summer heat and I love being upstate in the summer heat. So much nicer than being in the city. Everything smells good and the air is perfect to breathe.

So far, I've had a string cheese and a coffee, bringing me to about 100 calories. It wasn't a good breakfast, but right now, things are hard, because of Passover. There's a lot that I can't eat. It's over tonight, though, so I'm looking forward to that!

I'm going for lunch with a very good friend that I haven't seen in a bit and then I'm going for a run to celebrate/enjoy the gorgeous weather. I'm going to do Week 1, Day 2 of the C25K program and then I might do some work at the gym, depending on where I end up. I'm also dancing for 2 hours later tonight, so that's going to be fun!

I'm feeling awesome today, despite my unfortunate lack of sleep from last night. My friend Danny slept over and we talked for two hours before we went to sleep. He's quite the talker, as am I, which leads to very little sleep. I was so exhausted by the end of our conversation, that I don't even remember what we were talking about and didn't have the energy to look up to see what time it was. But it's all good. I'll feel more energized when this coffee kicks in and after my run/workout!

I will post more tonight, but I didn't blog yesterday, so I'm giving a quick update for now. =]

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Last Night's Blunders, Remodeling & Why Everything Happens for a Reason

Last Night's Blunders
So, last night was an interesting night for me. I ate way too much. I'm talking almost an entire huge bag of chips and other things. I would name everything I ate, except I'm trying to move past it. This morning, I woke up with a full stomach and I HATED it. It was absolutely awful. I was sleeping over my best friend's house, so I left in a rush and walked for about 2 miles. I felt disgusting and even though I feel better now, I'm still shuddering from the thought of it. I don't know what got into me.

Whatever it was that got into me, it's over now. Before, if I ate too much of the wrong thing, I mentally felt bad for myself. But I didn't feel bad physically. But this morning, I almost puked. I felt horrible. And I don't have any kind of lapband or anything like that. I just can't handle bad food anymore. So I'm done with it! It doesn't taste good enough for the mental and physical aftermath! It just DOESN'T. So I walked 2 miles, I'm going to go for a run, shower and then walk to the Century 21 to buy some stuff.

I plan on buying myself clothes that fit and I also plan on purchasing a pair of size 8 jeans and a small shirt for later. Because I plan on being those sizes and I plan on being them soon.

Here are my plans:
1) Literally remodel my blog. I want different colors, a new banner and maybe even a new theme. Weight loss, still, of course. But I want to keep this blog after I'm done with the weight loss, so we'll see what I come up with. It'll have to be something that still highlights weight loss. I'm also going to add in a question of the day, because I want to get to know the people who read my blog!
2) Remodel my plan a little bit. I'm going to try to eat 1200-1400 calories per day, even though it's hard to count calories at school. I'm going to try to eat salads and sandwiches, not the food that they prepare. I'll have omelettes, salads, sandwiches and the not-so-great frozen food if I have to. I only have a few weeks left. I can do this. After that, I'm home and Fairway is calling my name to buy all the healthy food that I want!! And then next year, I'm living in an apartment and cooking for myself. So, BAM!!
3) Drink more liquids. 95 oz. a day, at least. End of. 15g x My Weight (I put 175 just to be sure that my scale isn't telling lies) = 93.2 oz or something like that. So I rounded up. Allan, at almostgastricbypass2.blogspot.com always stressed this and it worked, so I have no clue why I stopped.
~~No more funny business. I'm going to finish this weight loss business and I'm going to finish STRONG~~

Why Everything Happens For a Reason
Now here is why everything happens for a reason. Last night, I was laying in bed, trying to fall asleep and worrying sick about my ankle. What if, when I go to my doctor in May, he tells me that something has gone wrong and that I now need surgery? What if I do something to my ankle in Europe? We're getting to almost a year since my accident and it's irrational, but I'm terrified that something bad is going to happen again. I've felt so truly blessed with my life for a few months that I am just scared that something has to happen. But what did I do with those feelings last night? Something that I have never been able to do. Ever. I told myself that whatever happens, happens. I will take it with stride and I will handle it calmly and gracefully, because it is not a life or death situation. Whatever happens is what happens. And I calmed down and fell asleep. I have never been so optimistic. But I feel great.

My partner and I had a conversation and he wants to build muscle while I want to lose weight. By next semester, he'll be ripped and I'll be thin and he'll be throwing me around like a ragdoll...is what I'm hoping for anyway. He's great. And I realized that if I had never broken my ankle...We might not be partners and I might be missing out on the best friendship that I have formed in a very long time. I also may not have been able to focus on dieting and learning about how to do things correctly this summer. So many things happened as a result of my ankle being broken and you know what? I'm glad the thing broke. Everything happens for a reason, if you don't realize it right away. So whatever happens at my doctor's appointment in May is what happens. And I will not worry about it until I have to.

This is a huge NSV for me. A lot of people have been telling me lately that I lost weight. I'm not one of those people that pretends I wasn't fat. I was and everyone knows it--it's all over my facebook page, if you look back past this year!! And I'm not ashamed of it. I'm proud. So I don't get offended when people tell me I've lost weight. When my boss saw me, he picked me up with one arm and freaked out that he could pick me up, let alone with one arm. Last night, my bff's dad walked in and said "Wow, it's like there's half of you left." The woman who does my nails and eyebrows told me there's no fat left on my face (a blatant lie of course, but nice nonetheless ha.) It's coming at me from all sides and I love, love, love it. And I can't way to come back to school, from the summer, thin, healthy and STRONG. I just can't wait. =]

Question of the Day: How do you deal with the aftermath of a night of overeating? Do you do something different the next day?

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Passover, Tightrope, Dancing

A few days ago, I realized something about Passover...Not to make this holiday about anything but what it is, but it's kind of convenient for people that want to weight loss. For those of you that don't know, here's the VERY shortened story of Passover. The Jews were leaving Egypt and there was no time to wait for the bread to but they took it with them anyway, which is that funky square cracker that you see sold at some supermarkets- matzah. That's the stuff we eat instead of bread. Along with not being able to bread, we can't eat anything considered "chometz":  like cookies, bagels, muffins, rice, cake, crackers, barley, oats, etc. (Do you see a trend?) Lately, I also discovered I am not allowed to eat peas, corn or any kind of beans. Unfortunately I discovered this while in the middle of a salad filled with chickpeas and had to work around them for the rest of the time.

Anyway, the point is that Passover is convenient because it becomes against my religion to eat most carbs. Yeah, I can eat matzah, which is also not great for you. But there is no way I'll eat as much matzah as I eat cake. And they have those little Passover cookies and cakes that you can eat that un-leavened and I indulge maybe once a Passover but I find them to be mildly insulting. The point is to live like your ancestors, not to cheat. If I can't last 8 days without having all of these items, then we have a serious problem lol. Plus, I'm trying to be a bit more religious lately (Friday night candle lighting and dinners whenever I can swing it, not mixing meat with milk--just got really excited because I found out that fish is not considered meat lol). I don't know exactly what brought it about, but it is what it is.

Today, I spent almost all day on the couch, studying. But then I got up and went to a private dance lesson with this guy Max. It was so great. We worked on my turns, because they are absolutely horrid haha.  But they are getting much better. Then we worked on a dance called the jive and I think it looks much better now that he's given me more technique. I was so happy to dance again. It's all I ever want to do and I hate breaks because they mean that my partner is far, far away in Long Island and it takes me 2 hours and a whole load of cash to get to him, so I never see him and I hardly dance. I don't know what's going to happen over the summer, lol. I'm going to be taking lots of lessons, that's all I've gotta say.

Now to share some wisdom...I've been listening to this song called "Tightrope" all day. The chorus:
Whether you're high or low
(High or low)
Baby whether you're high or low
(High or low)
Tip on the tightrope
(Tip, tip on it)
Baby let me see you tightrope
(Tip, tip on it)
And I'm still tippin' on it
I love these lyrics and the whole song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwnefUaKCbc). I'd give it a lesson. It's basically saying how you can't be too afraid to tip the tighrope and how you can't be too high or too low on yourself, I think. I really like it. It's so funky and fun to dance to. =]

Getting back to it

So, clearly, I have not been very good at time management because my blog has not been updated. There is a lot that has happened in my life lately and this is not an excuse. But I'm back to it now, which is I think what matters. The good news is....I did not stop losing weight even though I stopped blogging.

So, let's just weigh in right here.
Starting Weight: 220 lbs.
Last Post's Weight: 188 lbs (or 186, I wasn't sure because I had changed scales)
This Week's Weight: 172.8 lbs
It's not as much as I would have liked to have lost. But I lost 10-15 pounds in 3 months. Not great, but not bad. But I am back to it and I have new goals and many things to reward myself with, hah.

A few things that have changed:

1) I have completely changed goals in life. I no longer want to be a doctor. I realized that medical school was not something that I actually wanted to go through with and that law school was both a lot more bearable and more realistic. Now, don't worry. I'm not selling out. I still want to help people. I just want to do it in a different way.

2) I am a size 11/12 in jeans and usually a medium in dresses and shirts. This hasn't been the case in as long as I can remember. The fact that "the girls" fit into a medium is amazing to me.

3) I have become the most positive, optimistic person I know. After a minor breakdown over a boy and some other things, I have become beyond happy. I'm not sure what exactly made the change, but I'm damn happy that something did. I have motivation and feel I am capable of everything.

4) I have a new ballroom partner. He is an amazing partner and also an absolutely wonderful friend. We are going to our 3rd competition on April 30th and I will definitely be posting to let everyone know how that goes! I am also running for captain of the team, which is a huge position for someone who is only a junior, but I am ready and hope that everyone else thinks so enough to vote for me.

5) Two days ago, I bought my first pair of jean shorts. I mean, first. I have *never* bought myself a pair of jean shorts. I had them when I was younger, but when I started shopping for myself, shorts went out the window. I was too scared. But here I am in them and also a new top I bought, medium, also at Forever 21.

6) My ankle...I have pulled a lot of tricky things. I go running sometimes and I dance for hours on it in heels. So far, everything feels good but I'm going back to the doctor in May and we will see what he says. I feel pain sometimes and I still feel as if I'm held back sometimes. I plan on going back to physical therapy for a little while, just because I don't feel 100% and I want my ankle to be the best that it can be. I still limp in the morning or if I sit for too long, which may be normal, but I'll never know until I ask, so I will keep you posted on that.

7) Just a progress picture. This isn't my favorite photo, but I feel like it's a fair representation of what I look like (there are just some pictures where I look way thinner than I really am and that's not a fair representation)
It's me at my last ballroom competition =]